I'm not exactly sure where my life is headed right now, but I do know two things for sure. I have been drug and alcohol free since November 24th, 2003, (the day I "woke up" ) and with the Lord's continuing help I will stay that way for the rest of my life.
As of today, it has been two months since I had my license taken away by the State, and I won't get it back until August 11th, 2004... eight days before I turn 56. The pretty white 1997 Mercury Grand Marquis that I bought in May, 2003 was totalled on Nov 24th, 2003, when I lost control of the vehicle and hit a tree broadside at about 70 mph. Only by the Grace of God were Susannah and I spared, and we walked away with only minor cuts and scratches. However, on that day, the old John A Tuttle died and a new man was born. I am now searching to discover my true identity and purpose in life.
Very few of the things that use to seem important have much real meaning anymore. Living only one life instead of two has changed many of my perspectives. In an effort to find out where I belong, I opened a new web site where I am starting to expose the person who, for some 35 years, allowed drugs and alcohol to rule his life. My hope is that the facts about the things that happened to me, and those around me, will, in some way, benefit others. And so far, being painfully honest with myself about the events in my past has had a personal two-fold benefit. The clearest benefit relates to the therapeutic effect derived from soul-searching. The second benefit relates to the realization that I found numerous ways to rationalize my convoluted behavior and that I was pretty good at avoiding being 'found out'. Because I'm no longer hiding the truth, those 'discoveries' are helping me to make more intelligent decisions on a day-to-day basis.
One thing I've really noticed over the past few months is how much God is helping me. At least once a day something unusual will happen that lets me know that He is there. (Maybe those types of things were happening all along and I just never noticed.) But what makes them all the more meaningful is that those who are involved don't actually know what I'm going through. I consider these gifts to be very precious indeed, and I thank God for each and every one, and for constantly watching over me as I continue to follow the path He shows me.
Susannah and I are still very much together. The auto accident also had a profound effect on her faith. She said she felt an Angle come between her and the side of the car. (The car made contact with the tree just eight inches behind the passenger seat. And the car hit the tree with such force that it spun around 360+ degrees before coming to rest.) What was also miraculous about the accident was the location of a road sign. After losing control of the car and heading for the trees, the right front bumper made contact with the sign, which deployed the air bags and locked the seat belts. About a 1/10 of a second later the car hit the tree, but we were both held very tightly in our seats. Had that sign not been there, it's extremely unlikely that we would have survived. When the first police officer arrived on the scene, he later said he was totally amazed to find us both alive and well.
After relating the circumstances of the accident to a close friend, he said he was certain that God had intervened. And what's even more amazing is that he said he had been praying that God would do something that would wake me up once and for all. About 2-1/2 months after the accident, he wrote:
In talking to my lawyer, the prosecutor, the municipal judge, and just about everyone else who has heard about my accident (which was really no 'accident'), I have used the phrase "unscrambling eggs" in relation to what God did to my life on Nov. 24, 2003. And of two things you can be very certain, I greatly respect the fact that the 'shell of my new egg' is quite fragile and I have no intention of testing it to see if it can handle even the slightest abuse.
As I said at the beginning of the letter, I don't really know what the Lord has in store for me. As best as I am able, I am allowing Him to lead me, and so far everything has been going better than at any time in the past 35+ years.
407 19th Ave, Brick, NJ, 08724
Phone Number 732-840-8787