"LIFE: A Series of 'shoulda, woulda, killya' stories"
("Constant and Willing Sacrifice")

by John A. Tuttle (10-02-01)

He should have spent the night in a motel. Instead, he fell asleep and totalled his car. He should have stopped drinking sooner. Instead, he continued, got into an argument, sped away in his car and crashed it between two oak trees. Maybe he should have married the girl he ran away with when he was seventeen. Instead, he joined the Navy (under the threat of incarceration for grand theft auto, kidnapping and child molesting), got some awesome training in electronics, went overseas and married a Japanese girl by the time he was twenty. He should have come back home after 2-1/2 years in and out of Viet Nam. Instead, he re-enlisted in Viet Nam, and spent the next 3-1/2 years working as an airborne spy in the Rota, Spain. He should have stayed in the Navy, and taken his first cruise in almost ten years. Instead, he had a vision from God, got out of the military, and became a skilled craftsman. He could have been killed any of a hundred different ways during his first 50 years on this planet. More than half of all the people he had truly come to know and love had already passed on to that greater glory. He wondered when his time would come. He was apprehensive about how it might happen. He knew it was inevitable!

Rather than dwell in the realm of the negative, he decided to strike out! To make a mark! Surely those fifty years had taught him something worthwhile. Surely he could use that education to some good advantage. Surely he hadn't seen his "better days". The mere thought of having already reached his full potential was nearly nauseating. There were so many things to pass on. So many things that most people never considered. So much that needed to be said! He prayed, "Lord, what do I have to say that can be so profoundly different that it warrants being published?" The answer came to him as quickly as the question was finished being asked; "Because you know the truth!" He was taken aback by the instantaneousness of the response. All of his adult life he had had visions of leading multitudes of people to a "safe place". He saw himself speaking to thousands of followers who trusted his every word. Who placed their lives in his hands, and who were willing to follow his teachings no matter what the cost. He was frightened!

What had prepared him for this journey? Where would he find the inner strength to see it through? He knew in his own heart he could accomplish any task layed before him, but in his own opinion, he was not worthy of such a responsibility. He doubted not the authority which guided him, but he was unsure of the proper, or correct, direction to take. There were so many serious problems in the world.

So, he did what came 'naturally'. He established a place in society that was far more reaching than his neighborhood, his town, his county, his state, or his country. He established himself in the world! Initially, he was surprised to find that people from all over the world were responding to his presence. They questioned him, made requests of him, and began to show their trust in him by allowing him to prescribe various means and methods by which they could resolve their concerns and/or needs. He was elated! "Finally they are listening to me", he thought. Over the next couple of years, more and more people came to recognize that he was not only willing and able to give of himself, he was also deeply concerned about their well-being.

At that point, he realized his greater calling. He realized that it was indeed time to start out on his next, and perhaps final endeavour. There was no question about the nature of this quest. It was extremely far-reaching, and it was pointed directly at every single human being on the entire planet. Achieving his goal was not only a possibility, to him it was about to become a reality. His dream come true!

CHAPTER 1: Sinning

When he first discover that he had already broken every commandment, and committed every sin imaginable, he momentarily enjoyed an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. However, having read the Bible a number of times, he understood about the 'wages of sin' and he began to consider his own mortality. "How long will God allow me to live when so many, who were seemingly so much more righteous than I, have already been 'taken'?" Again, the answer came as quickly as the question, "You have a job to do!" Not being one to, or in what he saw as a position to, question the answer, he began to write about his life. He knew that there must be something about his existence that others needed to hear. He knew that God would never waste His time pandering to the yammerings of some sinner unless there was a final goal. And upon his pondering that goal, a voice spoke softly to him, "I want everyone to know I love them!"

It seemed like such a simple message. It seemed like such a selfless desire that he decided to 'follow his heart' instead of his mind, and he continued to write. He recalled his first sin. He was a thief! For reasons he did not understand at the time, and for reasons he still did not understand, he started stealing things when he was seven or eight. The words of his parents rang in his ears, "How could you steal from our closest friends?" The memories shamed him. He felt smaller than small, but the shame passed and he moved on to 'bigger' things. By the age of eleven, he had stolen from the church where he was an acolyte at Sunday services. The shame was more than his parents could bear, and the entire family stopped going to church. A mere four years later, he would come face-to face with the minister's wife, who was a science teacher at the junior highschool. She became his 'guiding light' for many years to come. Science and mathematics became his 'safe haven'.

Thrown into a form of self-exile after stealing from the church, he turned to music for solace. He had always loved the piano and music since he could remember. And, having been told at the age of eleven, "If you want to play the piano like that, go get one of your own." shortly after the incident with the church (and the middle school across the street - which was never discovered), he decided to buy his very first piano. It was, as it turns out, a sort of "saving grace", and ultimately the avenue to his future. Unfortunately, he ended up using the instrument as a lure to attract girls. By the age of fourteen, he found that girls loved hearing him play the piano, and he soon discovered he could use that to his own advantage.

(08-02-04) This web page is far from complete. I will continue working on it as time allows.

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